Leupak Lag

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Leupak Lag

Postby Silence » Fri May 02, 2014 3:17 pm

So chances are if you follow after me with any semblance of closeness (AAH!!), you may have noticed my sporadic updates anywhere as of late.

That's because I'm in the middle of a dramatic, massive personal upheaval. I'm figuring out what I disliked about who I was and the values I used to live by, and ripping up that programming so I can learn to become who I want to be instead of who I was programmed to be by people who didn't necessarily have my best interests at heart.

Which is being kind. They didn't have my best interests at heart, there's not really any room for doubt.

I'm chipping away at the rest of my donation gift pieces, slowly, but it's happening. More to the point, I'm pretty much backing off from public appearances for a little while (probably a couple weeks at least; possibly a little more depending on what it seems like I need). I need to learn how to do things for myself and on my own terms, and stop letting other people, their expectations and opinions of me have such a massive hand in the decisions I make if I ever want to learn how to be happy and feel self-fulfilled.

Apologies in advance if I sound a bit more terse or forceful than I have in the past; I've really deliberately let people walk over me and push me around in the past out of fear and a sense of social duty, and that's one of the biggest things that has to go.
That doesn't mean I won't be friendly if you approach me that way, but bear in mind that I'm not a social or chatty person, so I may or may not feel up to taking you up on idle chat at any given point of time. (And that doesn't mean you've done anything wrong, people!)

Anyway, that's my personal update as of right now, and from this point I'm gonna be pretty firmly not around for a while, at least until I can speak to people without feeling an underlying, pre-programmed urge to grovel.

P.S. - I probably fucked up with Leupak.com, trying to make a new adoptables site out of a sense of duty to people before I really had time to sit down and think about what I wanted for myself. The adoptables that I've made so far and the forums aren't going anywhere, but don't be surprised if the site ends up something very different the next time I mess with it.

I owe it to myself to stop doing things I can't genuinely put my heart into anymore, and it's safe to say my heart's probably pretty irreparably broken as far as adoptables are concerned.

Silence out.
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Re: Leupak Lag

Postby Zaphkiel » Fri May 02, 2014 7:26 pm

Silence wrote:...but don't be surprised if the site ends up something very different the next time I mess with it.

Um, well... duh! Leupak.com is supposed to be your baby, not ours. We just get to stalk you here! =D (which is awesome)

Still very proud of you for everything you've managed to accomplish, not only here but in your non-online life as well. Kudos for taking the stand to be you and not someone's shadow and you're making your own life! You've set a prime example of something for people to look up to and live by and you're still truckin'! No matter what you ultimately decide to do, you have my full support! You can't live for anyone else but yourself. So, of course there will be changes along the way. Some huge, some small. You're finding your way, though, and that is what matters.

Best of luck with everything, loves! <3
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Re: Leupak Lag

Postby Suzaku » Sat May 03, 2014 7:36 pm

Hey Sil, you take care of you. You are loved, and those of us who love you want you to be happy being you. So take all the time off you need. Change what you need until you're happy. When all is said and done, we'll still be here for you. I know I'd never stop caring about a friend just because they needed to change some things in their life, and I'm sure there are plenty of others who feel the same. We'll be here to support you whenever you need it.

So you go be who you want to be, and you let me know if you need any support along the way.
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Re: Leupak Lag

Postby Silence » Sat May 03, 2014 11:32 pm

I dunno what I did to manage to get such lovely and understanding people following after the stuff I do, but I can't put it into words how grateful I am for you guys, even if I'm not always the best at showing it. <3
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Re: Leupak Lag

Postby NoAkei » Sun May 04, 2014 5:39 am

...I may be toxic for you, but I still care.
*flushes away before doing more damage*
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Re: Leupak Lag

Postby Yumiru » Sun May 04, 2014 5:57 pm

Seriously now, I don't see how ANYONE could possibly get upset over this announcement, it sounds like a great path for you to take. Groveling is bad. I should know. :/

So

TAKE A BREAK. GOT FOR IT.

And regarding this site, when I first joined I didn't have any pre-expectations at all. If that's really a word....Which...It probably isn't.


But that aside, I want to be surprised with how this site turns out. I have no idea what I'm walking into, and maybe I don't want to know. I'm just your average friendly explorer ready for the next trip around a new world. And if that doesn't happen, that's fine too.


If things are just getting too dang taxing for your heart to take at the moment, do what you need to do to chill out.


Take a step back. And a breather. And some orange juice, if you're me. ;P




You don't know me, but I thought I'd say something.
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Re: Leupak Lag

Postby Fyreheart » Mon May 05, 2014 9:22 am

From how I've seen it, Leupak.com is still in the beginning stages so changes are to be expected while you mess with things and get them just how you like them. You can decide to make these changes and be as active as you feel like it. Perfection doesn't happen overnight. If you try to rush yourself you'll only get more frustrated. We won't die if you don't update every other day so take whatever time you need.
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Re: Leupak Lag

Postby October » Mon May 05, 2014 12:02 pm

Yumiru wrote:Seriously now, I don't see how ANYONE could possibly get upset over this announcement, it sounds like a great path for you to take.

Well, it did made a bit emotional, but that's just me. Indeed we all know that's the best thing Sil can possibly do right now. The support for them is a no-brainer ;)
And I agree with Fyreheart too.

Sil wrote:I dunno what I did to manage to get such lovely and understanding people following after the stuff I do

Because you're an amazing person, duh!
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Re: Leupak Lag

Postby Dream Beauty » Mon May 05, 2014 9:05 pm

Please do whatever you need Silence, I'm sure we understand that everyone has a few moments here and there. I hope you'll manage to sort everything out, and in the meantime, like someone else said, we'll wait for you! *withdraws into the shadows*
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Re: Leupak Lag

Postby Jergen Voller » Tue May 06, 2014 1:34 am

@Silence

Do whatever you need to get your feet back underneath you. Just remember to take deep breaths every now and again. It might sound like a simple thing but it helps. To someone that has chronic pain, sometimes the easiest things are the best to focus on. I'm currently in pain as I type this but I just feel like I have to say something.

It is perfectly okay to take baby steps instead of gigantic leaps.

You know how to find me if you need me. <3

You're not in this alone.
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